


It’s an Akatsuki Thing

by dango_lover17



Category: Naruto
Genre: Art Auction, Black Friday, Drabbles, Gen, Pain-killers, Sporadic Updates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-04
Updated: 2018-02-04
Packaged: 2019-03-13 17:21:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13575342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dango_lover17/pseuds/dango_lover17
Summary: A series of short Akatsuki crack fics, updated whenever inspiration strikes. Cross-posted from ff.net.





	It’s an Akatsuki Thing

A normal day for most civilians would be going to work or school, maybe a stroll around the park if the weather was fair. A normal day for the average shinobi meant patrols or missions, usually C-rank or B-rank, depending on their skill level. A normal day for Team Seven meant Naruto begging Sakura to go on a ramen date with him, the latter refusing rather rudely. Sasuke would be off to the side making the standard Uchiha 'Hn', while Kakashi stood over them, not making the slightest effort to diffuse Sakura's temper.

However, the Akatsuki were NOT average shinobi. Not by a long shot. So it was reasonable that their 'normal' days were rather...different than those by normal standards. Their definition of normality was...special. After all, they were a gang of S-ranked criminals. What was normal about them? Answer, nothing.

"My art's the best, un! Art is an explosion!"

"You're wrong, Deidara. True beauty lies in what is everlasting, beauty that does not decay with age." Sasori was developing a tick in his eye.

Kisame groaned. "Not this again. Seriously, you two! Can't you talk about anything else?" He was rewrapping Samehada, the broadsword almost purring under his touch. "Don't be sad, Samehada. I know it's annoying but we have to deal with it. I'll get you a snack later."

"I agree," said Itachi from where he was reading on his special chair. In the Akatsuki hideout, there was one chair that Itachi had claimed when he first joined the organization. No one touched it, or else they would face the Uchiha's wrath. It wasn't exactly a chair, it was more like a cat shaped beanbag. (The cat was eating dango, which was the initial reason Itachi had liked it.)

"Your arguing is childish." Itachi turned the page of book he was reading.

"Is not!" Deidara whined. "It's a matter of pride, Uchiha! You wouldn't understand since you aren't an artist!"

"You call yourself an artist? Pathetic," snorted Sasori. He crawled out of his puppet and sat down in the middle of the floor, glaring at his partner.

"Aw, come on Sasori-danna! Your toys are nothing compared to C4, un!"

"Is that a new bomb you invented?" Sasori had already heard about it, but he had his reasons for asking the question.

Deidara nodded eagerly, unable to resist the urge to brag. "Yep, it's my most powerful bomb, specially made to kill Uchiha and his stupid sharingan eyes! It's a bunch of nano-sized bombs that-"

Sasori smirked. "Deidara. Look who's in the room."

The younger blonde felt his jaw drop as he remembered that Itachi was sitting there, not five feet away. "Uchiha! Forget what I just said!"

Itachi barely reacted, calmly flipping another page.

Deidara turned to Sasori. "It's your fault, Sasori-danna! Now Uchiha knows my secret technique, un!"

"It's your own fault, Deidara. If you hadn't been so eager to brag, he still wouldn't know. Your art makes you cocky, which is why my art is the best."

Itachi sighed a little. There they went again. Always finding some way to argue about their opinions on art.

Kakuzu chose that moment to speak from where he was sitting behind the sofa counting bags of money. "But, neither of your so called 'art' makes us any money."

Deidara opened his mouth to protest, but couldn't find a valid argument. Sasori looked similarly confused.

"I know a way we can find out which style of art is better." Kakuzu's eyes were gleaming in a rather terrifying way.

The two artists took the bait eagerly. "Really? Tell us, un!"

Kakuzu leaned forward. "We'll have an art auction! Whichever piece sells for the most money has to be the one that's most appreciated! I'll host it for you too."

Kisame snickered. "You just want the cash."

Sasori looked thoughtful. "Very well then. We will have this...art auction."

Kakuzu smiled. "And anyone can enter. I'll go ask Leader for permission right away." The thought of the beautiful money that might result from such an event was motivation enough for him to stop counting his money sacks.

Konan read the notice tacked on the Akatsuki billboard again. "Pein, are you sure about this?"

The orange haired leader shrugged. "Kakuzu was rather adamant about it, and it may be a way to connect with the members of our organization."

"Or it could be the divide that separates them."

The sign read, COOME ONE, COME ALL, TO THE AKATSUKI ART AUCTION. TO BE HELD IN SEVEN DAYS IN THE AMEGAKURE VILLAGE SQUARE. HIGHEST SALE GETS BRAGGING RIGHTS.

"Could my paper be considered art?" Konan wondered aloud. Just then, Tobi skipped in, holding another stack of flyers.

"Hello Leader-san! Good morning Konan-san!" The masked man pasted another sign on the billboard jovially. "Are you going to do something for the art auction too? Tobi is, because Tobi'ss a good boy and likes coloring!"

Pein sighed and stalked away. "Do whatever you want."

Itachi appeared behind Tobi. "So Kakuzu's really doing it?" Konan nodded and turned to follow Pein back to the gloomy lookout tower.

Tobi sparkled. "Of course! Itachi-san, will you please participate? Pretty please with a cherry on top?"

"Hn."

The day of the art auction arrived with much anticipation. Deidara and Sasori were both running around like headless chickens making sure that the finishing touches on their respective masterpieces were complete.

"Where's my pedestal, un!?"

"How should I know? You're the one who took it!"

Pein sighed. Tobi and Kakuzu had somehow wheedled him into being the auctioneer. Why, he wasn't really sure.

Konan patted his shoulder, her usually apathetic demeanor replaced by an almost invisible expression of excitement. "The people of the village will appreciate having their leader sponser such a fun event."

"Fun?"

Kakuzu walked in, giggling maniacally. "Ten minutes until the money starts rolling in." Hidan followed him, rolling his eyes.

"Why am I not allowed in the f*cking event? I'm your partner, Kakuzu!"

"You'll ruin it like you always do." Kakuzu ignored Hidan's protests and faced Pein. "Hurry up, Leader. It's starting."

Wordlessly, Pein walked up to the podium. It seemed that all of Amegakure and then some had gathered in the village square.

"Citizens of Amegakure, welcome to the first (and hopefully last) Akatsuki art auction, hosted by myself and Kakuzu. I'm your auctioneer. The rule is that someone cannot bid on their own art, and if you submitted something, you will have to leave now. Am I understood, Deidara? Sasori?"

The two in question nodded, both looking slightly disappointed. They exited the room, followed by several more Akatsuki members.

"Okay. The first item we have is…" Pein used his gravity manipulating power to pull the closest cloth covered piece towards him. "A clay sculpture of Amaterasu, our sun kami. Do I hear...five ryo?"

A tentative hand shot into the air from the middle of the crowd. The bidding had begun.

"Who do you think won, Sasori-danna?"

The red-haired puppet shrugged. "Not Tobi, that's for sure." Tobi had submitted a very colorful crayon drawing of 'Kisame-san swimming with the fishies!'

Deidara chuckled. "Yeah well, it's down to the two of us, un." The two man team continued down the hall where the prices were posted.

'SOLD' signs covered all the artifacts in the small room, yes, even Tobi's coloring page.

Deidara snatched the list of the submissions and began to scan it furiously with his mechanical eye.

Sasori leaned over his shoulder to read the list as well.

"I can't see our names, un!"

Sasori felt his mouth drop open, just as the blonde gave a surprised yelp.

4\. "Man in Flight" (Puppets, by Akasuna no Sasori) AND "Amaterasu" (Sculpture, by Deidara) - SOLD FOR 30 RYO EACH

"Fourth place, un?!" Deidara's face was red. "What the…?"

3\. "Kisame-san Swims with Fishies!" (Picture, by Tobi-Not-Obito) - SOLD FOR 50 RYO

2\. "Mother and Child" (Origami sculpture, by Konan) - SOLD FOR 120 RYO

"Who's that, un?"

"That's Leader's partner, you idiot. The only woman in the organization?"

"I bet Leader bought it."

1 . "Imitation of Mona Lisa" (Painting, by Uchiha Itachi) - SOLD FOR 450000 RYO

Deidara stared at the name next to the first place slot. "That...Uchiha…Uchiha can paint?!"

Sasori snorted. "I can't believe I tied with you, Deidara." The puppet master stalked away, leaving a horror-stricken Deidara.

"B-but how…?!"

"Is something the matter?" Itachi was standing next to him, a hint of a smirk on his face.

Deidara pointed a shaky finger at him. "Y-you!"

"If you are not going to say something useful, I will not waste my time here." The Uchiha boy began walking away.

The bomber found his voice. "How did you do that?"

Itachi turned around, face once again impassive. "The sharingan has many uses. One of them is the ability to imitate anything, even art."

"You cheated?"

Kakuzu ran up, his eyes shining in adoration. "Itachi, at least a dozen people have put in requests for more of your art. I told them that I'll be your agent. We can make a fortune out of this!" He jiggled his bulging moneybags in excitement.

Itachi shrugged. "Very well." The Uchiha followed the bounty hunter into the masses of people waiting to sign contracts for the replicas of art.

"His art?" Deidara glared at the spot where Itachi was disappearing to. "Damn you, Uchiha!"


End file.
